Monthly Archives: May 2018

Improving Your Relationships

In Part 1 of this article, I discussed relationships from the point of view of how people’s energies resonated and how their energies affected a relationship. I also discussed what I call “Learning Relationships.” Please see Part 1 for this information. Let’s continue with Part 2:

Healing and Purpose-Specific Relationships

“Through Love, thorns become roses,

Vinegar becomes sweet wine,

The stake becomes a thorn,

The reverse of fortune seems good fortune,

A prison becomes a rose bower,”…

-Rumi

“The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love.”

-Hubert H. Humphrey

“Until the Real Thing Comes Along”

-Sammy Cahn

Even though I’ve focused thus far on learning relationships in which the dysfunction or problematic resonates, I’d like to add that certainly not all relationships are learning relationships and, additionally, that not all learning relationships are difficult or unpleasant. Aside from true soul mate relationships that most of us aspire to find and be involved in, there are other types of romantic relationships as well. Some of these other non-soul mate relationships may be pleasant, but don’t have a real “charge” to them, so that the people in them feel comfortable, but don’t feel inspired or really in love. The relationship may be pleasant or comfortable and non-challenging, but may also feel bland. I have seen several clients in relationships like this and have found that there is usually a purpose that this type of relationship serves.

One of the purposes for relationships such as this is to provide a healing aspect or soothing or comforting experience for those involved in the relationship. In other words, one or both of the people involved may have been through a particularly difficult or draining relationship or experience, or even a series of such relationships, and the pleasant but bland relationship affords him/her the opportunity to heal from the other relationship(s). This type of relationship, the healing relationship, thus represents a relationship that affords R and R (rest and relaxation). This gives those involved the opportunity to be in a romantic relationship at the same time that they are healing from the draining relationship or experience, rather than attempting to recoup while alone.

I have further seen other positive relationships, which, even though they are still not the true, partner relationship, serve the purpose of “introducing” a person to the qualities and dynamics of a good relationship, while also allowing him/her to re-pattern his/her normal mode of relating. This may be the first positive relationship a person has ever been in, and the situation allows the person to experience the dynamics of a healthy relationship for the first time, while also sometimes gaining practice being in a good and non-dysfunctional intimate relating situation. Thus, re-patterning relationships such as this, even though they’re not with the true soul mate, serve as a mechanism by which one can re-pattern his/her traditional (and often unhealthy) role in a relationship and can learn instead to play a healthier role and experience more positive dynamics.

Another type of positive, but non-soul mate, relationship occurs when two people are going through similar things or are working (either growth-wise or career-wise) on similar issues. In other words, they are paralleling each other in some way with regard to growth or experience. This type of relationship, the paralleling relationship, affords them support, whether explicit, through mutual discussion of what they’re each going through, or implicit, through an unconscious awareness of their shared experiences, as well as insight on the shared issue(s) they’re going through, as they share experiences with each other. Paralleling relationships can subtly give those in them energy, instead of their being in a difficult learning relationship that could drain their energy.

Some relationships may represent a combination of some of these types of relationships. As you can see from these pleasant, but non-soul mate types of situations, relationships will generally come into existence for a reason, whether we’re aware at the time of what that reason may be or not.

In addition, I have also seen people in non-soul mate or -partner relationships for more mundane reasons. They may have a rational, rather than emotional, reason for being in a certain relationship and may decide to be in the relationship out of a rational motivation. In other words, the mind may be engaged in the relationship, but not the heart. This could be, for example, because the person feels that he or she is ready to get married and/or wants children and just looks for someone to marry. I’ve seen some clients come up with a laundry list of what they want in a marriage partner, based upon external or superficial considerations (e.g., makes a certain income, is a certain height, drives a certain car, lives in a certain type of house, even how they look as a couple to others), rather than what the person is really like either on the inside or in habits or personality traits – or even how they feel about them. I have even seen some clients make a decision to marry someone because that person had one attribute that they wanted in a mate (for instance, a calm and steady temperament), irrespective of the fact that they really felt no emotional connection to or love for their future partner. This type of consideration is often a recipe for a future failed relationship, especially when the emotional component is lacking and there is, in its place, a preference for the rational and feeling-less element in the decision-making process.

I have also seen some clients decide to enter into – and doggedly stay in – relationships for financial security, although this motivation may be understandable for women in a society that has traditionally undervalued women economically. Whether one can stay permanently in such relationships depends upon the person and his/her priorities. However, I have often seen clients in relationships such as this who were miserable and whose hearts were crying out for true resonance and connection. The lessons in these relationships may have to do with independence, going to a deeper level, being true to oneself, or any number of other realizations.

Soul Agreements

The highest compact we can make with our fellow is, – “Let there be truth between us two forevermore.”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

As I continued to explore different types of relationships, I started to question how they came about, especially the major learning ones in which the experiences may have been so unpleasant and the corresponding lessons gained so profound that it felt that there had to be a reason, or mechanism, behind the two people coming together in such a fashion – a reason or mechanism that existed on a higher level than just the “pull” (sexual, emotional, conundrum, or whatever) that was felt on this three-dimensional level. In other words, I felt that there had to be some additional, invisible factor bringing this type of situation about, other than two people whose stuff fit together so intricately and perfectly just meeting each other by chance or randomly – a factor that existed perhaps on a higher level. As I started to ask for insight about this, I began to get information on what I now call “soul agreements.”

A “soul agreement” is an agreement made between souls while not in body (i.e., before the lifetime that the agreement is about) to encounter each other in a lifetime, interact (whether in a romantic, familial, friendship, work, or other type of way), and affect each other in some fashion, usually for learning, sharing, supporting, or otherwise stimulating each other’s growth or unfolding. As with difficult learning relationships, the soul agreement may be to stimulate each other’s working on his/her inauthentic stuff.

There are many different types of soul agreements. For example, some soul agreements exist for just one specific lifetime. I have seen other soul agreements that ran through several lifetimes. I have seen both soul agreements that are for a very specific purpose (as a case in point, that the people involved will meet at a specific time in their lives to accomplish a specific thing) and others that are for more general purposes (for example, that the people involved will have a lifelong acquaintance with each other that is pleasant and mutually beneficial). I have seen soul agreements in which the souls have agreed to always interact throughout lifetimes for the same purpose or lesson and others in which the souls always interact, but the way in which it is expressed and the purpose it serves may vary from one lifetime to another. To illustrate this point, some souls may agree to always interact in an antagonistic way to stimulate each other’s growth, while others may vary the qualitative feel of the interaction over lifetimes, experiencing a congenial connection in some lifetimes and a more abrasive or antagonistic connection in others.

Hence soul agreements are made in the non-corporeal state when we choose and plan our lives and represent a behind-the-scenes factor for our involvement and interaction with others in the here and now, and, because they are mutual agreements on the soul level, there is no “blame” or judgment attached to the interactions, even if they are negative or unpleasant in any way.

All Your Relationships

It’s no secret that it takes two to create and maintain a healthy relationship. Although I would agree with this statement, I also know there is a lot one person can do to change the dynamics of any relationship. And since none of us have the power to change another person, it only makes sense that the best place to start in our relationships is with ourselves.

At our local Super Walmart, there is a gentleman there by the name of George. George stands at the front door and enthusiastically greets everyone who walks into Walmart. He smiles at the guests and with a jubilant tone, he asks people how they’re doing. When he’s not talking to someone, he is singing and enjoying life wholeheartedly. George has the ability to change me and my mood, simply by being who he is. By honoring what is important to him – joy – he brings out the best in his Walmart relationships.

Our lives are touched by many relationships. While most of us define a relationship as existing between two people, there are other types of relationships as well. The one component of your relationships that remains constant, however, is you. So as we explore the relationships in your life, I want to invite you to ask yourself these important questions as it relates to each of these precious relationships.

Who are you in this relationship?

Who do you want to be in this relationship?

What important values do you want to define this relationship?

What needs are being met or not being met in this relationship?

Is respect practiced in this relationship?

Does this relationship give you positive energy? Or does it drain you?

In what ways do you nurture this relationship?

What changes need to occur in this relationship?

Relationship with God

God is your Rock. He is your foundation. He is the Source for an unending supply of love, peace, patience and wisdom. Since God is the Master Creator, He is the central point from which all other relationships are formed.

Relationship with Self

Without love and respect for yourself, it is difficult to love and respect others. An authentic relationship with you is critical to creating honest and open relationships with others. The relationship with self must be nurtured frequently so you can be emotionally and physically available to your other important relationships.

Relationship with Spouse

Although this relationship may or may not exist in your family, if it does, it is the link that ties your family together. This link must be strong enough to withstand the challenges of raising your children and building a healthy family.

Relationship with Children

These relationships are the reason we call ourselves mom. We have been entrusted by God to be their soul provider and protector. Our children depend on us for guidance, teaching, and most importantly, love.

Relationship with Parents and Siblings

These relationships were our primary relationships in life. It is where we practiced how to be in relationship with other people. Depending on what we learned in our early years, we may or may not want to model these relationships. Healing these first relationships significantly affects the health of our relationships today.

Relationship with Friends

Our friends, depending on who we choose, have the ability to be a great support for us. Friends meet significant emotional needs for women, and remind us that fun, sharing and bonding is important for our overall well being.

Relationship with Boss, Coworkers and Clients

These relationships, if we work, take up a tremendous amount of our waking hours. Much of what we experience at work is brought home to our loved ones. Our working relationships can inspire us or drain us, so it’s important that we choose these relationships wisely.

Relationship with Time and Money

Although time and money are not human beings, they are precious commodities in our life. How we choose to spend our time affects every relationship in our lives. Our relationship with money holds energy in our lives. We have the ability to attract or repel money depending on how we treat it.

In each of these and other significant relationships, you are a vital contributor. Who you are in each of these relationships can make or break the quality that you experience. So be yourself and align you relationships with your values. Make the time to nurture your relationships because, in the end, relationships are all that really matter.

How Creating New Relationships

How would you like to spend 20 to 30 minutes every day building one new relationship a day that will double, perhaps even triple your income?

I’m going to toss a new wrinkle into the relationship building game. I want you to think about two words could have dramatic affect on your life and your income.

Those two words are “on purpose.”

What do you think might happen if you started creating new relationships on purpose? And what if you attached an immediate dollar amount value to each of those new relationships?

That’s what I did several years ago and my results have been nothing short of amazing. I know it might sound cold and calculating to think like this, but bear with me.

It all started one evening as I was doing an Internet business seminar for a local S.C.O.R.E. chapter. I was talking about how to increase the value of email in your business. I looked down and, by chance, in my materials, I had one of those thousand dollar bill bookmarks you can buy at your local bookstore. Hold one up and it looks just like a $1,000 bill.

I wanted to impact the audience on the importance of building their email list so I told them they should treat each email address as if someone just handed them a $1,000 bill and I held up that bookmark.

Then I said, ” How would you like to build One New Relationship A Day. And how many of those relationships would you like that each one puts an additional one thousand dollars in your pocket?”

The reaction was immediate. Some audience members sat up. Some smiled broadly. Many whom I thought was asleep began asking questions. What I had discovered was the value label I attached to their future relationships that could begin with an email dialog made sense to them. They no longer just saw an abstract email address. They saw potential income.

I knew I had stumbled on to something and so my little “on purpose” relationship income experiment began. I started thinking what would happen if I purposely viewed every email relationship I created as a potential income stream that was worth a minimum of one thousand dollars and worked toward that goal. Of course, I believed each one would have to be a win-win and without a doubt there had to be real value for both parties involved.

So, from that day forward, every time the phone would ring, when I met someone new, received a referral or an email request I began to feel the anticipation as if I had just earned another one thousand dollars. Some days I would make cold calls or go to places out of the blue with the intention of meeting just one person.

From then on I started each day knowing I was going to meet someone new and create another relationship on purpose. Some days the momentum is so great I created multiple new relationships with. It’s became quite remarkable. I started attracting more people who wanted to work with me and give me money. Imagine that.

At some point I begin to track daily the purposeful creation of these new relationships. With each one I had a short conversation to discover what they needed and how I might be able to help them. Each time, in the back of my mind, I knew we would each at some point put a thousand dollars or more into our respective pockets.

To help you better understand this concept let me familiarize you with two terms I created for my experiment. They are Relationship Value and Relationship Income.

Relationship Value and Relationship Income

RV is the abstract value that you place on a new relationship. RI is the actual income that comes to through new relationships you create on purpose.

I know not every relationship manifests into one thousand dollars in RI from a client or customer, but it doesn’t matter. I just know that each new relationship will eventually lead to one that does. So each new relationship actually increases my RV.

Every day it happens. It’s incredible to watch as one person leads to another. New situations that create new income. Each new relationship somehow puts RI or trackable relationship income into my pocket.

Now I know the idea of building new relationships is nothing new for you, but perhaps focusing your intention on purposely defining one new relationship a day is.

I personally define a “new relationship” as having that initial conversation that helps outline how the relationship will develop. For me those are usually phone calls that last about 20 minutes or an email dialog that goes beyond one or two emails. That’s enough time for me to realize what I need to do to begin the process with that new person.

I make a physical note of the day, how they came to me and the talking points from our initial conversation. I don’t do anything else. I just continue my day and move on to the next relationship if there are any more for that day.

What makes this concept so amazing is I’ve gone back through my tracking sheets to see the results of these new “on purpose” relationships. Over the last 18 months there has been a dramatic increase in my actual income, my resources and my business holdings. I can attribute much of it to my creating one new relationship a day on purpose.

Most of us have learned to understand the value of relationships, but until I started following the path and tracking new relationships I never realized how much control I had over the income that would come from “purposely focusing” on creating new relationships.

How much could this idea be worth?

Think about the value of this one idea and how it could impact your own income. You create one new relationship a day on purpose. Think of each one having real immediate value. You can apply whatever RV or Relationship Value you want. I use one thousand dollars and it continues to work well for me.

If you could build one new relationship for each day of the year you would have a relationship income of…

$365,000 per year

Let’s suppose you slipped up and only did this “on purpose” exercise every other day. That would give you…

$182,500 per year

Let’s further suppose that only 20% of those every other day new “on purpose” relationships had actual relationship value. You would still created an additional relationship income of…

$36,00 per year

We’re talking about an increase of real money for simply and easily creating one new relationship a day.

What happens when one of your “on purpose” relationship manifest greater value and much more income than you initially valued that relationship? Of course, your income increases. And it will happen and not just with one or two of your new relationships.

Some of my relationships have grown far beyond what I had originally intended. Some of these people I met “on purpose” have become friends and long-term, highly profitable clients. Others have provided additional business interests. For me the results of my “on purpose” experiment have been stunning.

One important thing to consider.

I know there are skeptics who will dismiss this entire idea. Others will think that purposely creating a relationship with someone solely for the purpose of extracting a thousand dollars or more from them is cold and wrong.

I don’t believe it is. I offer great value for the services I provide. This is simply a strategy for assisting us in meeting new people and identifying with whom we want to do business.

In business, don’t we concoct methods and strategies for marketing and selling our products and services? Aren’t we already thinking on purpose when we make a presentation or a proposal to prospective client? Don’t we have the goal in mind of selling that person on us and the product or service we’re offering? Of course. But most of us are not purposeful in our approach. We know we have something of value and we’re simply making that known to our potential customers and clients.

My concept of creating one new relationship a day is merely a purposeful strategy to insure that you continue to build viable and valuable relationships that will over time respond, realize and reciprocate for you in dutiful, purposeful business.

I don’t think of these new “on purpose” relationships as cold, hopeful introductions. I value every one of them. Like all of my relationships I do what makes sense and what’s right to earn their trust and their business.

Most, I’m happy and proud to say, have led a to fuller, richer business experience. Some have developed into strong, healthy personal relationships as well. Nearly each one has had far more monetary value for them than I purposely anticipated. And there are ones that have evolved into putting actual income for my business too.

I openly share this new spin on a crucial business building technique with you because I believe “relationship building” shouldn’t be passe in business. It’s a vital fact of business and the sooner you embrace a purposeful means to increase the amount of purposeful relationships in your life, the sooner you will realize a dramatic increase in your income.

Someone is destined to be my “New Relationship of the Day” today. Is it you? I invite you to make contact with me on purpose so I can add another one thousand dollars to your income this year. Chances are the income I can bring you will be a lot more. Email me and let’s see what we can do together.

Handling Your Relationship Problems

RELATIONSHIP AND RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

It appears or so it seems that there must be a relationship problem in every relationship. This is one aspect in relationship that very many people pray they will never experience. But be sure and understand that the only place where relationship problems will not occur is a place where there is no relationship at all. No matter how small or casual a relationship looks like, there are problems associated with it. The earlier you learn this truth the more prepared you would be when these problems arise. Most times while we find it difficult to get along again with our partner after having a relationship problem is because often than not we don’t prepare for them before they come. Actually nobody ever wishes to experience any problem in his or her relationship but we can never no matter how we try run away from relationship problems. While I want this stuck in your head is for you to understand that it is not a strange thing for you to be passing through this kind of relationship problems. Have you heard of the saying that says that “what goes for the duck is also good for the geese” meaning that somebody somewhere is also having a serious challenge in his or her own relationship. You see, you are not alone on this side of the ship. Yes there are some persons whose relationship problems are more terrible than the one you might be thinking that you have. So my dear relationship problems are actually one of the features of relationship. Though you are free to pray not to have these problems at all but my candid advice is that you should create a room for it in your heart. i don’t mean you should harbour or create problems for yourself, but to know what to do when it eventually comes. This will enhance you with the utmost wisdom you will need to handle the situation maturely. Don’t worry, no matter what it is, it will soon wear out like the snow when the sun smiles.

CAUSES OF RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS
Now, having understood that relationship problems are part of the ways of a relationship. Let’s now look at reasons why a relationship would always have challenges. There are lots of relationship problems scattered all over the world. So it will be very difficult trying to enumerate all the relationship problems and what causes them. But I will try and see how best you will be helped in discovering those things you must have neglected that are trying to cost you your relationship. It is until you discover the cause of your problem you may not exactly know how to handle them.

There is another fact I would want to make you understand. Sometimes when people start having problem in their relationship, they more often than not exonerate themselves from being the cause of the relationship problem, they only see a greater percentage of the problem in the other person. Let me share with you some pivot reasons why most relationship have problems. Perhaps you would have a deeper understanding of your situation.

LACK OF UNDERSTANDING
This is one of the millions and billions of reasons while people are having relationship problems. Before you can walk or work with anybody, there must be a sense of understanding. Because you have refused to understand your partner, wife children, parent, siblings, friends, etc. that is why it looks as if the issue you are having now would not be resolved. What does it mean to understand? It means that both of you or all of you that are involved in the relationship are seeing things from different angles. When you say cheese and your partner says nuts, I don’t think that there is any agreement at all. If you look critically into the relationship problems you are having now, you will discover that you are lacking understanding or rather you are refusing to understand and agree about some matters with your partner. Most times when you disagree, you will hardly see your own mistakes that contributed to your relationship problem, all that your eyes will be opened to is the faults and problems caused by your partner or spouse. It is also the same in his or her own side.

TOLERANCE
Tolerance simply means being able accommodate, being able to condone no matter what. Are you so disciplined that you don’t take shit from anybody? Are you so careful that you don’t want to accommodate any weakling in your life or business? How about your idiosyncrasy? Maybe you are a perfectionist at several points? These are some of the things that can engineer lack of tolerance in your relationship and where there is no tolerance there must be a lot relationship problems. It is as simple as that, when there is no tolerance, relationship problems settle as fast as they could. This issue of lack of tolerance has shipwrecked and sunk a lot of relationships. I do hope dear that you will not have to tell stories about that. How do you handle it you asked? Don’t worry we shall deal with it shortly but let’s look at another point that causes relationship problems.

EVIL COMPANY
Show me your friend and I will tell you exactly who you are and what you are capable of. Sixty percent of relationship problems encountered today are caused by wrong and evil advices gotten from friends. Do you want to solve your relationship problems? Then check out who are your best pals and how they have influenced your life. If you have not considered them worthwhile, I strongly suggest that you run away from them; especially those that will always advice you on how not to reconcile with your partner, those that will want the relationship problem that you are having to linger more than it is supposed to be. Do you read the bible? Then look at 1st Corinthians 15:32. It reports that evil company corrupts good manner. Be wise dear!

LACK OF MONEY
Once, a teenage girl said, “How can a relationship be sweet when there is no money.” Money of course brings a lot of good moments into a relationship, in the house, family, company, etc. but that does not mean that it is what matters most. Maybe you are the type that cannot endure hardship. Probably because there is no more money, you are now causing lots of problems between you and your spouse, parents, friends, etc. this is tragic! Some wives divorced their husbands because he is no longer bringing much money to the house again, I am pretty sure that you are not among that category. If you are then there is an urgent need for you to retrace your steps now. Let us try and see how we are going to handle these issues.

HANDLING YOUR RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS
I am going to briefly look at these points that I raised above so that we can start from there. If you want to be free from any relationship problems, then you must know how to be a man of understanding. Don’t always be the right person but consider your partner in every and any matter or issue. Now let me tell you what happens when you misunderstand, you seem to exaggerate and compound your partner’s blunder with respect to what is causing the relationship problem. You can hardly see your flaws and mistakes; all blames will be channeled to him or her.

For you to understand you must be able to listen and be patient with him or her. You must learn to appreciate his or her input in the relationship and also encourage him even when it seems that his best does not satisfy you. Always remember that it takes two to agree, so when you don’t agree there may never be a remedy for your relationship problem.

You must learn how to accommodate his or her weaknesses, some men are very fond of pointing out other persons mistakes rather than their strength, this will only generate strife and compound your relationship problem. No man is perfect including you. There were times people tolerated your own flaws and mistakes and they accommodated you, they did not quarantine you nor raised dust over your head. Make room for your spouse mistakes; discipline yourself as to condone his or her weakness until the desired change is seen. This will make you to facilitate the help you give to him and you will never find yourself in a position of capitalizing on his or her mistakes to make relationship problems where they don’t really exist.

Be careful about the company you keep. Be watchful over those you can proudly present as your friends. They, to a large extent determine your actions and your decisions. Have you realized that some characters are contagious? Maybe you are not keeping late nights but now you enjoy it. Was not a suggestion from a pal or a life style of one of your good pals? Quit evil company and communication and deal with your relationship problems so as to enjoy your relationship.